Cookies: A Conversation With Luke

As we enter the kitchen after dinner at Panera, he spots a fortune cookie on the counter....

L: Can I have this fortune cookie?
Me: No, you had a cookie at dinner.
L: But I didn't have a fortune cookie.
Me (more firmly): You already had a cookie at dinner.
L: But this is super crunchy! It's not even a cookie.
Me: IT HAS COOKIE IN THE NAME! It's printed right on the package!
L: But
Me. NO!
(Please tell me he's going to be a lawyer and that all this arguing is just practice for a stellar career....)

Currently feeling: completely exasperated (and sensing more in my future)

Throwing: A Conversation With Luke

After picking up L from daycare....

DH: Tell Mommy what you were doing.
L: Writing sentences that say "I will not throw things in the classroom."
Me: What were you throwing?
L: A beanbag.
Me: Did the teacher tell you to stop and you didn't?
L: No.
Me: Did you know you weren't supposed to throw beanbags inside?
L: I wasn't throwing!
Me: Did a beanbag travel some distance by leaving your hands and ending up in someone else's hands while touching nothing but air?
L (slightly smiling but sheepish): Yes.
Me: That would be throwing.

Currently feeling: displeased

Lunch: A Conversation With Luke

At lunchtime....

Luke: I'm finished.
Me: You only ate one piece of pizza.
Luke: But it was a big piece.
Me: I know, but you usually eat at least 2 or 3.
Luke: I'm full.
Me: Are you sure? I really think you should eat one more.
Luke: I'm sure.
Me: And you won't be asking for more food in an hour?
Luke: No.
Me: (glances at clock and makes mental note of the time)
[1 hour and 4 minutes later]
Luke: Mommy, I'm hungry, can I have a snack?

Currently feeling:   really?!

Blood Drive: A Conversation With Luke

Copyright: 123RF Stock Photo

Upon seeing the sign as we drove past the church, Luke says, "What is a blood drive? Sounds like somewhere you would go for murdering." I don't know whether to be amused or terrified! LOL
Currently feeling: goulish

Ice Cream: A Conversation With Luke

Luke: I love Dairy Queen ice cream more than anything.
Me: More than anything ever?
Luke: Yeah. (pause) Except my cats. (pause) And my parents.
Currently feeling: thank you, I think

Timing: A Conversation With Luke

Me: Go do your 30 minutes of reading. Please use a timer this time.
Luke: Can I use your phone?
Me: No, use the cube timer.
Luke: But I don't want to use that one!
Me: Why not?
Luke: Because it's so much slower!
Currently feeling: silly child

Battle: A Conversation With Luke

While reviewing his homework tonight....

Me: Luke, you *know* your homework has to be answered in complete sentences.
Luke: It is.
Me: "The battle at Trenton." is not a complete sentence.
Luke: Yes it is!
Me: What is the subject?
Luke: Battle.
Me: What is the verb?
Luke (hesitantly): At?
Me: At is not a verb.
Luke: Battle.
Me: Battle is not the verb.
Luke: It is too a verb!!
Me (sighing): Battle can be either a noun or a verb. A single use of the word battle cannot be both the subject and the verb at the same time!

Currently feeling: both frustrated and amused

Eggs: A Conversation With Luke

Luke was very cautiously eying the eggs I had sitting out on the counter overnight....

L: Are those bird eggs?
Me: Yes, they're chicken eggs.
L (slightly agog): Are they going to turn into chickens if you leave them there?!
Me: No.
L: Why not? [Side Note: I'm pretty sure he wanted to ask "are you sure," but chose this instead.]
Me: Ummmm.... because they aren't fertilized.
L: Oh. (pause) How do they get fertilized?
Me: Ummm..... roosters fertilize them.
L: Roosters?
Me: Yes, roosters are boy chickens, hens are girl chickens. Only hens lay eggs. (silently prays this will be the end of the conversation)
L: How do the roosters fertilize the eggs?
Me: I honestly don't know.
L: Do they sit on the eggs or something?
Me: I'm not sure. We can look it up later. We have to go now!

Currently feeling: not quite sure how to answer

Banking: A Conversation With Luke

We went to the bank today to deposit a couple of checks. Luke and I watched three cars go through the other line in the time we waited behind a single van.

Luke: How much longer?
Me: I don't know, honey, they're just taking a long time.
Luke (exasperated): How much money are they putting in?!

Currently feeling: not sure it is a proportional relationship

Lord Business: A Conversation With Luke

Hey, wait! That doesn't seem fair.... (apologies to those who have not seen The LEGO Movie)

L: I'm LEGO astronaut guy!
DH: Does that make me Lord Business?
L: No!
Me: No, that would be me.
L: Yeah, Mommy is Mrs. Business!
DH: So who am I?
L: You're Batman.
Currently feeling: not nearly as awesome as Daddy

Biathlon: A Conversation With Luke

Original image Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos, modified by me

Watching Olympic coverage of the biathlon....

L: What are they doing?
Me: They ski for a bit, then they stop and do some shooting.
L: They're shooting at the other people?
Me (dying laughing): No, they're shooting at targets!
DH: I bet shooting at the other people would make them ski faster.

Currently feeling: grateful I'm not a target

Baseball Positions: A Conversation With Luke

Original image Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos, modified by me

L: Where are we going?
Me: We're going to register for baseball.
L: Can I be the First Basement?

Currently feeling: we're going to be fired as parents

Riker's Beard: A Conversation With Luke

Original image Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos, modified by me

"Can we watch Star Trek?" Five little words that make me tremendously happy! Today, we were getting ready to move on to Season 2 of ST:TNG. I asked him to put in the disc....

Luke: Mommy, the person on the front of the first Season 2 disc looks like Commander Riker. But he has a beard. Is it him?
Me: I don't know, we'll have to see.
[The disc starts, showing very short clips of each major crew member while the music plays.]
Luke: Yes, it's him. I can tell by the smile.
Me: :-)

Currently feeling: boldly going

Lunchtime: A Conversation With Luke

Original image Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos, modified by me

Today was his third snow day, and the first of the three without Daddy at home to keep him company. I had a 10 AM conference call, but Luke came in three times between 10:30 and 10:40, complaining that he was hungry. I told him I would be off the phone around 11. Naturally, my call ran over by a few minutes. When I hung up, I needed to send a quick email before I could stop for lunch....

Luke: Mommy, it's after 11 o'clock.
Me: Okay, give me 5 to 10 minutes. Remember, even though I'm at home, I'm still working, so I can't make lunch right now.
Luke (horrified): You don't get to eat lunch at work?!
Me (chuckling): I do, but I can't just drop what I'm doing when the clock says it's 11. I have to find a good place to stop. Give me 10 more minutes, okay?
Luke (disappointed): Oh. Okay. But I'm hungry.

I'm sure he didn't understand, since they do drop what they're doing and go eat at exactly the same time every day. (I chose not to mention that yes, there have been days that I didn't have time to eat.)

Currently feeling: hungry

Paper: A Conversation With Luke

Original image Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos, modified by me

Yes, we did explain that we were kidding.

L: Daddy, when you and Mommy were kids in school, did you have paper?
DH: No, we used papyrus.
Me: We carved things into stone tablets.

(Later, MIL mentioned that they just scratched on cave walls.)

Currently feeling: um, what?

Waiting: A Conversation With Luke

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Kids really think their parents are this boring, don't they?

Me: Did you have fun at C's house this afternoon?
L: Yes, we played and watched football.
Me: Do you know what Daddy and I did while you were there?
L: Sat in the car and played on your phones.

(for the record, we went to the movies and finally saw Ender's Game)

Currently feeling: really?

Resting: A Conversation With Luke

Original image Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos, modified by me

Around 8:30 this evening, Luke came into the den.

Me: It's bedtime. Why are you up?
Luke: I'm not sleepy.
DH: You need to get back in bed and try to sleep.
Luke: But I'm not sleepy!
DH: You still need to be in bed resting.
Luke: But I'm not rest-y either.
Currently feeling: ready for a snooze myself

Weddings: A Conversation With Luke

Original image Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos, modified by me

Me: Do you know where we're going this weekend?
Luke: To see Nana and Papa?
Me: Well, yes, we are staying with Nana and Papa, but we're going down there so we can go to Grandmama's wedding. She and Mr. T____ are getting married. Do you know what that means?
Luke: We get to have cake?
Currently feeling: slightly mixed up priorities

Kids' Day: A Conversation With Luke

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I wonder if Hallmark is listening....

Luke: Daddy, when is Kids' Day?
DH: When is what?
Luke: Kids' Day. We did Mother's Day and Father's Day, but when do kids get cards and a special lunch for being kids?

Currently feeling: amused

Pebbles: A Conversation With Luke

Image from 123RF Stock Photos

While reading tonight's story for homework....

Luke (reading): Sandstone is one kind of sedimentary rock. It is made of grains of sand, mud, and.... pue.... puh.... puddles?
Me: Try again.
Luke: Poodles?
Me (snickering): Are those D's?
Luke: Pubbles?
Me: Almost. Is that a U?
Luke: Pebbles! What is a pebble?
Me: What do you think it is?
Luke: It's a little rain drop that makes a puddle.

Currently feeling: loving his perspective