Happy Halloween 2007

Love, Puppy Dog Luke



Currently feeling: too cute to spook

A terrible night's sleep

But I guess that's a good thing, since sleep was actually involved (as opposed to Sunday night, where I didn't go to sleep until after 5 AM). Once we locked the door and he got quiet, he stayed asleep until just after 6 AM this morning. I'm not sure if that is a promising sign, or just being flat exhausted from losing 3 hours sleep Sunday night due to being up 1:30-4:30.

I, on the other hand, felt like I had a newborn again. I couldn't really get into a deep sleep because I kept waiting for the screaming to start. From 11-3, I woke up every half hour like clockwork. At 3, he had a coughing spell and I was convinced that was going to be it, but he slept right through it (or at least didn't react if he woke up, which I find unlikely). Once that was over, I realized that he was probably good and asleep until morning (whenever that might be), so I did sleep a little better. I only woke up hourly instead of half-hourly after that, until just after 6 when he woke up screaming. That's okay. I can handle 6 AM, if it means he will stay quiet and in his room from the time he goes down until that point. DH, however, may need to adjust his schedule. He was still home when Luke woke up and had to rush out the door before we came downstairs so Luke wouldn't see him!

Somehow, I highly doubt this is the end of it. I really think him staying asleep all night like that was a fluke, a result of missing so much sleep in the drama that was Sunday night. Plus we have the time change to contend with this weekend and the "ruining of the routine" that will result from Thanksgiving travel. I see a very long winter in my future. With the time change, I'm hoping we can just keep bedtime where it is as far as his biorhythms are concerned, meaning it will switch from 8:30 to 7:30 as of Sunday. Probably wishful thinking on my part, but I can try. With Thanksgiving, I have no idea what to do. We will be switching him to a "big boy bed" this week, which only leaves us 3 weeks to settle into a new routine before being gone nearly a week to my parents. That usually whacks him out a bit under normal circumstances. Heaven only knows what will happen this year. Regardless, I'm sure you'll hear about it.

In the meantime, the next you can expect to hear from me is tomorrow evening: a Halloween post with pictures!

Currently feeling: tired but some better, for now

Monday night sleep update, part 1

We closed the door at 8:30 tonight. That is a full hour later than he has been going to bed for the last month, and 90 minutes later than his usual 7 PM bedtime for the last 2 years. It didn't seem to help. Still took an hour of *constant* intervention to get him to stay in his room and, presumably, sleep. And yes, we did finally have to lock the door, but it was a last resort and came with several warnings, and within 3 minutes of him realizing it was locked, he was quiet. There was some crying, but very little screaming, and only a couple of cursory bangs on the door. (I haven't been brave enough to open the door and check on him yet.) I suppose that is progress. Guess we'll see.

Hopefully, we won't have to lock it next time. Hopefully, there will be no update part 2 tonight. However, I am starting to feel more and more foolish for hoping for anything anymore where his sleep is concerned.

I cannot even begin to tell you how much your support, suggestions, comments, good thoughts, and prayers mean to me. Thank you so much! And for those of you (who may indeed overlap with the above group) who are just sick and tired of reading about the Luke sleep saga on my blog, I intend to let it go after tonight. There will be updates, but they should be of the one or two sentence variety instead of the long and anguished posts of late. Thanks for sticking with me.
Currently feeling: trying to hang on

Is this a panic attack?

Every time I even think of trying to put him to bed tonight, I feel like I am going to throw up. Every time I try to sleep, I hear him screaming and kicking and banging. I thought it was hard to sit through it last night. It is much harder to live with by the light of day. The sides of his hands were bruised this morning, and it broke my heart. I can't stop crying.

We tried the "stay in bed or I'll close the door" thing last night for over an hour, lengthening the amount of time the door stayed closed for each infraction. It didn't work; he thought it was a game (except when he was screaming and crying because the door was closed). Baby gates won't work because he can climb them. I do sincerely appreciate the suggestions, though.

Other than sleeping in his room with him or just letting him stay up as long as he wants, I don't know what else to do. I just know I cannot repeat what we did last night. I just can't.

Please pray for all of us tonight.

Currently feeling: there are no words

Cut my heart out with a spoon

It is one thing to hear kicking and screaming and crying from the other side of the door. It is quite another to hear, in a very calm, still, clear, and pleading voice, "Daddy, where are you?" repeated several times. Thankfully(?), the kicking and screaming returned shortly thereafter.

Currently feeling: wishing I were out of tears

The door is locked

A way-too-early-to-be-awake haiku:

Bedroom door is locked.
Child screaming and banging.
No one is asleep.

If you haven't yet, please read my previous post before you think I am absolutely the worst mother in the world. I am, but at least I have my reasons.

I was hoping last night was just a fluke. He woke up at 3:30 AM last night, and just like the "new and improved" bedtime routine of the past several evenings, it took us well over an hour to get him back in bed and asleep. Boy, was I stupid to think it was a one time thing. Tonight, he woke up at 1:30 AM. It is now 2:30 AM. We've tried everything in the last hour to get him back in bed. Nothing has worked. I just went in, told him this would be the last time, said "I love you, Luke. I'll see you in the morning," turned the lock, closed the door, and started the same 20 minute timer that we used nearly two-and-a-half years ago to let him cry it out. He has been screaming, crying, and banging on the door ever since. It has been 8 minutes. If the cops do not show up because the neighbors called them and accused us of torturing our child, it will be a surprise. If I don't have to take him to the doctor for x-rays on his hands in the morning, it will be a miracle. (In both cases, I can only hope I'm kidding.)

The door is locked. And no one is sleeping.

Currently feeling: miserable

Again with the not sleeping?

WHAT IS WITH THIS?!?!! We've skipped nap, we've pushed back bedtime again, we've changed the bedtime routine, we've given him a pillow per his request (the one my grandmother made him; psychic woman that she was covered it in firetruck fabric), we've started letting him choose between sleeping in the crib and sleeping in the floor (until we can get him a "big bed"), we've let him choose between having the nightlight on or off (and he doesn't seem happy with either choice, no matter which he says he wants), and it is still taking more than an hour to get him to go to bed, stay in bed, and go to sleep!

I actually don't care whether he goes to sleep immediately or not. But he needs to stay in his room and stop fussing. This afternoon, we finally turned the doorknob around so that it now locks from the outside. We haven't actually done it yet tonight, as the thought of locking my child in his room is just horrible to me. I don't want him to hate or be afraid of his bedroom! I don't want him to feel trapped. But he has *got* to go to bed and stay there. This is the fourth night of this stupidity. A couple more, and we'll just lock the door and let him cry himself to sleep. And I hate myself for it.

Currently feeling: completely out of ideas