Sunday, September 17, 2006

In about 8 hours


Created by: The Newspaper Clipping Generator


I found that awesome newspaper clipping generator on Melanie's blog quite a while back. Thanks Melanie! I've been looking for the perfect excuse to use it, and this seemed like the right one. Maybe I'll do some more at various points in the future.

Well, if you actually read it, you have probably deduced that I am feeling very uptight about tomorrow. I know he'll be fine, even if he does cry at first. I know I will fine, even if I spend the whole day fighting back tears (like I have tonight). I know he won't hate me forever, and I seriously doubt that having him go to daycare will scar him for life. In fact, I am fairly certain that in the not-too-distant future, he will cry when I come to pick him up because going home is so boring. I *know* all of these things. I really do.

But no amount of knowing them is making me feel any better right now. I thought I was doing pretty good. I barely got misty when picking out a new shirt for him to wear on his first day this weekend. It didn't phase me to try and decide whether or not to send one of his blankets with him (I decided to put it in his bag, but to tell the teacher to only use it if he really won't settle down for nap). I got everything packed in the bag without any trouble. Have I just been in total denial up until now?

It was only when my husband asked me what time I need to get up in the morning that I started having issues. Wait, if I'm getting up earlier, that means things are different, and you know that if I am waking up about 90 minutes earlier than normal, it has to be serious. And serious means I should be stressing and worrying. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I just hope it goes as well as it can. I'm not sure whether to hope that he does cry (so I know he loves me and will miss me) or to hope he doesn't (so I don't have to look into those huge blue eyes filled with crocodile tears and turn my back).

Guess I should take a box of tissue with me in the car for after I've dropped him off. I *really* don't want to cry while I'm there, thought I doubt I would be the first or the last to do so. I hate crying. I usually only cry when I get supremely angry (like with psycho daycare lady). I don't like doing it then, but at least I feel that it is justified to a certain extent. But crying any other time makes me feel weak and stupid, which then just makes me angry with myself for acting weak and stupid. I am a strong and confident woman, and I should be able to control myself. I should be above tears, especially over something that is such a normal thing. It's not like he broke a bone or something! He's going to daycare, to have fun with other kids and to (hopefully) learn some things. He'll be having a blast, and I won't be at home, stressing about ignoring him to do work, or stressing that he is taking up so much of my attention that I can't work. This is a good thing all the way around. What on earth is there to be upset about?! GET A GRIP!!

Yet here I sit, with a slow but steady trickle of tears running down my face, and I can't stop it. I do not see much sleep in my evening forecast, and I see yet more tears tomorrow. I just hope I can keep them from Luke, so he will be happy and confident as he enters this new phase of his life. May it be a prosperous one, for both of us.

Currently feeling: ridiculous

9 comments:

  1. {{Hugs}} Erin. This must be so hard. Just know that you've given Luke the best start in life that you possibly could have. I'm sure you'll (both) be just fine :)

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  2. {{HUGS}}

    I know it's hard but Luke will love Daycare. Lia's been going since she was 5 months old and she loves it. The best bit is that she's happy to be left and happy to be picked up which makes my day incredibly easy.

    I hope things go okay for you today, I'll be thinking of you.

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  3. Hugs Erin!

    It's hard - and your reaction is perfectly normal.

    The first day of daycare is MUCH MUCH MUCH harder on the mother than the child. I'm speaking from experience here.

    It might take some time, but I'm sure he'll love daycare and the intereaction with the other kids will be wonderful for him. Marcus didn't like it at first, but now he walks in the door and abandons us.

    It'll be hard and it'll be sad, but you will survive it. I'll be thinking of you.

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  4. You'll both be fine, even though I know it doesn't feel like it right now. You'll all be in my thoughts today.

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  5. ((((hugs)))) I'll be thinking of you today - I'm sure Luke will have a blast!

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  6. Erin, you'll both be fine! First day is the hardest. Cry if you feel like it! I know for me, it's a great stress-reliever. It will get easier. Trust me! {hugs}

    And, that newspaper generator is frikkin awesome!! Can I use it, pleaseeeeeee!

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  7. I love the newspaper clip! That is so cute! Everything will be just fine (easy for me to say, right?). The first day is always the most difficult, but it will all be fine and will get easier and easier, I'm sure! Big hugs!

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  8. Hope you both had a good day! I love you all bunches!!

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  9. Connie Toalson Sierra9/18/2006 9:07 PM

    Been thinking of you, Erin. Hope Luke had a wonderful first day...

    Love, Connie :)

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