Cautiously optimistic

Thus is the state of things with my grandmother at the moment.

I arrived late Wednesday night in Savannah (significantly cheaper flight than Jacksonville or Brunswick), where Mom picked me up and drove me home (i.e. my parents' house). BTW, I had a total fan-girl moment at the airport, *and* I had a first class ticket and didn't know it, but I'll save those stories for later. We had already planned a trip to Waycross to see my grandmother at the retirement home Thursday afternoon.

Thursday morning while trying to get my birthday corrected at the social security office (did I tell you that story?) and being royally ticked upon finding out that the person I asked about necessary documentation had lied to me, my father's cell phone rang. Granny had a major GI (gastro-intestinal) bleed. They had called 911 and were sending her to the hospital. We ran home, hastily packed our bags, and prayed we would make it to Waycross before it was too late.

Things were very very bad when we arrived, to the point that my mother (the RN) was convinced that she wouldn't make it out of the ER. To the point that she called my brother, already booked on a flight for Friday evening and basically said "get on a plane right now and you might make it before it is too late." But even through all that, Granny clearly knew who we all were, even me, and she hadn't seen me since March. It made me very very glad that my husband had convinced me to go. Even once she got up to CCU (cardiac care unit), it was still bad and scary. I picked up Jacob at the Jacksonville airport (a 90-minute trip one way), and by the time we got back, she seemed a little teeny bit better (at least her face now had some color to it). She also clearly recognized Jacob, even calling him Dr. Warren, which we all took as a good sign of her mental state (he only graduated 2 weeks ago), despite being somewhat upsetting because we realized that, to a certain extent, she was aware of what was happening, which had to be very very frustrating for her.

We went out to dinner with my grandfather, and though we had a good time enjoying each other's company, it was obvious we were all just waiting for the phone to ring. Even PaPaw commented at one point "It sure is strange for her not to be here with us. I miss her." ::sniffle, sob:: Her breathing seemed a bit better when we returned for the final visitation window of the night, but none of us wanted to get our hopes up. We were exhausted, so we slept, but I guarantee you that each of us was still subconsciously listening, waiting for the call.

However, regardless of what happened, I knew I would be getting on a plane Friday afternoon. If she was still alive, great. I would go home, hope and pray. If not, I needed to get to Atlanta to help DH get everything packed (he had already gathered most of what we needed) and to keep him from having to make that 5-6 hour drive by himself with Luke. I left Waycross with no update on her condition. We had an agreement with my parents that even if she did pass while we were gone, they would NOT call us, since Jacob would be driving back alone, and there was no sense in risking him by having him drive upset. The facts would not change based on our knowledge of them, so may as well wait.

So imagine our surprise when, as we neared the airport, both of our phones "ding" with text messages. "Good news! Talking & says she does not like not being in charge! PaPaw called her Sugarplum & assured her she is still in charge! Love, Mom" On the surface, I cannot help but be happy. She is certainly sounding more like herself, clearly she is much easier to understand today (she was virtually unintelligible Thursday), and it is at least a boost to our morale. However, I have been around the medical profession long enough to know that it is *very* common for there to be a sudden and significant improvement in those who are extremely ill just before the end. So yes, I am happy that she is doing better, but part of me is also very worried and dreading the next few days.

I had lunch with Jacob at the airport, followed by a very quiet and uneventful flight. Even got to land on the newest runway at the airport, which has only been open for about 2 weeks (and that is nowhere *near* the gates; we taxied forever!). I exchanged a few text messages with Jacob upon landing to check on things, and he said "I haven't been to the hospital yet but they say she's better than when she had her hip surgery!" Again, good on the surface, and we certainly all want her to improve, but I still have that thought niggling around in the back of my head. So I guess we'll see. I want so badly to hope, but I don't want to be crushed either if I end up at a funeral this coming week.

Anyway, we are all happy to see her doing better and more herself, though we also understand that she is still a long way from being well (and recovery from her hip surgery (i.e. to walk again) is virtually out of the question at this point). We are all exhausted (my parents in particular; thank goodness my father is done with school for the summer). We are single-handedly keeping the Waycross hotels and the Atlanta and Miami airlines in business, and our bank accounts could use a break! Please continue to keep everyone in your thoughts. Thank you all so much for your support!

Currently feeling: hopeful, yet guarded