Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Crisis of Confidence

I had a hunch it was coming, but it hit me pretty hard today. I don't feel like I am doing a very good job at my new job. I am having so much trouble learning all the new people and the new lingo. I feel SOOO lost on the conference calls. It is embarrassing when your vendor starts asking you questions, and your boss has to answer because you don't really even know what you were asked, much less where to find the info to answer. This is especially disheartening when the rest of your colleagues can just pop that info off the tops of their heads. Granted, two of them have been at it for 4-5 years now, and the other "new guy" has been there nearly 18 months. I've only really been doing anything resembling project work for 5 weeks now. But even so, I feel like I should be a bit further along than I am. I don't even know when I read an email whether the issue being discussed is major or minor! That is how little I understand at this point.

Then add in that I am working with three different vendors, so having to learn three different names for every part of the process, plus remember who works for which vendor, is about to kill me. If A sends me an email, do I need to copy L or G? Which of them works for the same company as A? I used to be able to keep all of this kind of stuff in my head, but I can't seem to manage that anymore, and it is taking way too long to try and look it up on the fly on a call. I am so tired of feeling lost. Everyone swears it will get better, but I just can't see it right now. I hope she doesn't decide in six months that I'm just not capable, because that would really suck after all it took for me to get this job in the first place.

Currently feeling: wanting to hide


  1. Remember how lost you felt when you first went to work for ATT? It wasn't long (but longer than 5 weeks) before you were spouting all the insider mumbo-jumbo. It's like me starting at a new hospital and not knowing the doctors' pet quirks and having to take it on the chin for a while! It will click and you will be on top of it all soon. I know you!

  2. Listen to your mother! =)

    EACH and EVERY new job I have started, at about the 1.5-2 month mark, I am whining to Michael about how lost I am, how little I am capable of, and how much quicker I should be able to "contribute", to do real work. And that I am a complete idiot. And EACH and EVERY time he has to remind me that this is the way it always is.

    "You said the same thing when you started at Paragon, you know."

    "What?? No, I didn't."

    "Oh, yes, you did. The same thing."



    And then I calm down. So calm down, in about another month, you will be slinging those acronyms around like a pro and you'll realize that thing are now making sense and that they certainly weren't making sense a month ago.

    Hang in there!!! =)

  3. Hey Erin,

    It will get better! I got thrown onto a new project (completely different building type) at work, with our main architect sent off to Cairo for two weeks, and had a deadline looming by myself while he was gone. It's at CNN, with a lot of technical babble and 3-and 4-letter abbreviations for everything. I found that it was okay to ask (occasionally) for blatent clarification, but no one's gotten mad - they know I am new to this and more than willing to help. My advice is don't be afraid to ask for help sometimes - you'll feel a lot better knowing what an "ASSDs" are! (Air-sampling type smoke detectors, by the way...)


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